transit forge journal: very schlitzmas

very schlitzmas

the beer that made milwaukee famous, has some redeeming qualities if you don’t drink enough to make the old addage ”schlitz gives you the s*#ts,” come true. a good beverage for a guy to consume on christmas and thanksgiving while lying on the floor counting the holes in the acoustic tiling overhead while listening to a golf-ball-sized fly buzz about the small apartment.

for some odd reason, i while reading some scathing lines of ambrose bierce (who must have detested holidays), i briefly focused attention on that solitary fly and a moment later (without me actually moving) the fly zipped into my left hand, which was busy folding back the book cover, at which time i clenched my fist, shook the insect (crap-table style) and flung the bug to its death on the rough carpet.

why in the hell did that fly choose to make a landing in the cave of my fist only to be promptly dispatched? deathwish? holiday depression?
these were my last thoughts before slugging the backwash of the warm can labeled ”just a kiss of the hops!” and clicked off the table lamp christmas eve.

2002-12-27 15:41

* * *

Maybe the poor little buzzard was a mechanism of the mighty universe that was trying to ask you to count the small blessings and mind the relatively advantageous position that you occupy in the general scheme of things. Perhaps this mighty ancient flying fortress of the musca domestica tribe felt that the time had come to face the great bar keep's last call, so to speak. You being the omniscient and powerful Ernie "COACH" Pantusso of sorts, wise without knowing and dispensing justice in an unseeing manner. It might even be said that patience is a virtue and all things come to those who wait. Even though I'd like to believe this last statement and unwittingly rely on it in my daily life, I still find my golden rule to be one of your revelations. Make It Happen. Let's hope your holiday schlitz celebration does not ply this rule to its aforementioned bowel engaging notoriety.
— jmmygoggle Jan 1, 09:48 PM #
...or maybe something much less theological was at work here as the horse fly made a b-line to your palm. Do you typically wash your hands after you drop the Cosby kids off at the pool?
— SiSawat Jan 10, 10:50 PM #
Just thought you'd like to know... A search on the world renown Google Search engine for "schlitzmas" revealed your web journal at the top of the heap followed by only two other entries. The least popular was a German graphic design brochure (a PDF file not an HTML page) on printing or scanning. More important though, was this freaktastic ass-clapping marvel of tomfoolery: http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Bungalow/1311/xmas.html Five words: Joe Don Baker Christmas Ornaments
— jmmygoggle Jan 28, 07:25 AM #
Post something new on your blog, you slackin hillbilly.
— Cool Moe P Feb 20, 05:25 PM #
DUDE, update your fuckin thing, very important people read it. Do it. What a slacker.
— SiSawat Mar 6, 07:46 PM #